Yankovic Weird Al - I Want A New Duck

I want a new duck.
One that won`t try to bite.
One that won`t chew a hole in my socks.
One that won`t quack all night.
I want a new duck.
One with big webbed feet.
One that knows how to wash my car,
And keep his room real neat.
One that won`t raid the ice box.
One that`ll stay in shape.
One that`s never gonna try
To migrate or escape,
Or I`ll tie him up with duck tape.
I want a new duck.
A mallard, I think.
One that won`t make a mess of my house,
Or build a nest in the bathroom sink.
I want a new duck.
One that won`t steal my beer.
One that won`t stick his bill in my mail.
One that knows `The duck stops here.`
One that won`t drive me crazy
Waddling all around.
One who`ll teach me how to swim,
And help me not to drown.
And show me how to get down.
`How to get down`, baby.  Get it?
(quack, quack, quack, quack, quack)
I want a new duck.
Not a swan or a goose.
Just a drake I can dress real cute.
Think I`m gonna name him Bruce.
I want a new duck.
Not a quail or an owl.
One that won`t molt too much.
One that won`t smell too foul.
One that won`t beg for breadcrumbs,
Hangin` around all day.
He`d better mind his manners.
Better do just what I say,
Or he`s gonna be duck pate`.
Duck pate`, yeah yeah.